{You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me!}

 

2014.

What a year you have been thus so far.

I mean is anyone else having a very crazy year? I know that mine started out with shit that I just never saw coming! Here I was ready to make this the best year yet and it starts out with losing one of my best friends because of something so stupid I can’t find a friggin word for it.

I’ve not blogged in a while because I’ve been disconnected but anyone who (might) read this knows that it happens with me. I get a bit disconnected and can’t post for a while then I come back and so and so on. I always hope to do more each time but you know…shit happens!

Anyways, so yeah T. There it is. The friend I’m fighting with. Pisses me off more than I can even explain. Her relationship is open. Her husband’s has an “eye” for me. Shit happen. She knew. Fast forward to her beautiful baby girls birth.

18 hours of no sleep and I go home with him and her mom, dad, and 15 year old brother because she ask me too. Pass out on the mattress in the floor and I wake up to him with his hands down my pants and lips all over me. After a min of trying to figure out what the hell is going on I lay there…just freaking lay there and then once his hands put my hand on his dick I realize  this shit is just NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!

“Just let me sleep” and that’s it.

Yeah well, I get the shit end of the deal because I’m the one that isn’t the father of her children. Hell I really don’t know why the crap I got such a shit end of the deal. I know that I’d never do something like that to hurt her and I sure as hell wouldn’t do what I did with him again.

Biggest mistake I ever made.

He is like a great male friend to me.

Or was should I say.

I want to punch him in his skinny freaking face! Had he just left me the frack alone none of this would have ever happened! MEN! Always out to get that pussy one way or another.

You know she should be pissed at him! I went there, showered, and fell asleep ready to get back to see that beautiful baby girl. And him? Just after watching his wife give birth wanted to PUT HIS HANDS DOWN HIS WIFES BEST FRIENDS PANTS!!!!!!!!!

That’s what was on his mind. I didn’t come on to him. I didn’t pursue this shit. I have kept my distance from him to try and not make it weird the whole time with her because I don’t want her thinking anything bad.

But still. I’m the one that gets the shit of the deal. So it’s been a month since I seen or talked to either of them and this coming Friday I’m supposed to meet her at the mall and talk. She wants a public place! Why? Because I will hit her? NO! HIM? Yes!!!! Maybe that’s what’s she thinking.

I don’t freaking know. But I do know this isn’t going to go well. I mean I’ll prolly just be going to tell her in person our friendship is over. I mean how the hell are we supposed to move past this? Won’t she always be looking over her shoulder at me? Won’t I always be pissed off at HIM for making this shit happen? YES!

 

I love her. She means the world to me. But if she doesn’t know me enough to know I wouldn’t do this to her then maybe 

we are not as good as friends as I thought we were.

I’m over being hurt and over being mad (at her)

Shay. She has been there. The whole time. Never letting me down. Making my life seem OK. I don’t know what I’d do without her. In fact I’ve got a party post to make next!!! You’re not gonna wanna miss that one.

For now, enough on this stupid shit!

Don’t let your friends run over you when you know you’re in the right! You may need them in your life but only if they are going to be GOOD TO YOU AND FOR YOU!

 

{Single Mom Talk}

{ #Reverb13, Day 15: Anchor }

 

As I’ve stated before I’m taking part for the very first time in Project Reverb. Reverb is a way to reflect on the past year and project into the next year with a prompt a day for 31 days.  December is the perfect time to reflect on 2013 and start to create intentions for 2014.

Anchor:  What kept you tethered to 2013?

My friends hands down. Without them in 2013 my life would have fallen apart in so many ways. I was able to count on old friends and gained great new friends. I don’t even know how to quickly explain this answer so it’s going to be a long one I’m sure.

In so many ways people leave you throughout life. By choice, by life’s path, and worst by death. But in so many ways people stand by you and come to  you when you need them most. I never realized how true this was until this year.

I remember I was so worried over the summer that J was going to attempt to take the kids from me. I could just feel it you know. I mean I wasn’t doing anything wrong when it came to them but because I was living out of state (TN) and not up J’s ass and kissing it too he wanted to do something to hurt me. And then when I asked God to tell me what I needed to do and how to deal with it all he sent me T.

She came from out of nowhere and I never expected, even when I did talk to her, that she would be so important to me like she is. She had been dating J and was being swooned by all his romance, however she wasn’t fooled by his “pretty blue eyes and perfect words”. She saw it happening and even as an outsider she could see I wasn’t doing anything wrong so she took action. She messaged me on FB and told me her story with J and what she had heard him say and told me that she didn’t agree with it and that I should know to have time to prepare myself. Within just a few hours we were on the phone talking and it shocked the hell out of me how much I liked her. The honesty in her, the tender heart, badass attitude, and love of kids was what first told me I knew she and I were going to be great friends. I remember thinking that everything she was saying was confirming what I was afraid of him doing and that I knew this was my answer of what I needed to do. She told me how he talked of waiting til the time was right and just snatch them up and take them, how he wasn’t going to help me bc of what I had done, complained about not talking to the kids but never helping me keep my phone on, always putting me down for things that he could have helped with and eventually telling her his whole plan to basically leave me alone without anyone.

She stood up for me, even when she didn’t know me, because she is that kind of person; the kind that cares about others because she has a  good heart. Talking to her for weeks lead us to meet up for drinks and instantly formed a friendship I know will last forever. She made me laugh and feel better about everything I was worried about. The view on people and the way she kept me from hitting a girl in the face at the bar that night was great! Over our time so far of being friends I have really tried to see how J ever got his hands on her. She is far to great for him. Too real. Too honest. Too kind. But then again I know why she was attracted to him because something else about her and I. We see the same in men especially those like J.

All my life I’ve been the friend to keep others tethered; grounded. And I used to wish for a friend that could do the same for me because even those who are strong need someone to lean on in times of weakness. T is that friend for me. I’ve waited my whole life for her. Her ability to make me feel better just by seeing her smile, her words of wisdom and certainty, her “F” off attitude, and crazy view on life couldn’t be more tailored to me as a friend. She is the one who makes me feel like it will all be OK when my life is falling apart. I cannot think of anything about her I don’t like. Everyone has that one true best friend and for me she is IT. I love you T!

There isn’t any way to really to know someone is your true friend unless they stick by you. There when you need them and know that your important to them. The ONE friend that gets you and can and does always find a way to stick by your crazy life and always say I love you after a huge fight.

Shay is THAT friend for me. Our friendship has never been an easy one. We are so very different and see things in a opposite view, however THAT is the reason we stick by each other. No one gets her like I do and pretty sure the same for the other way around. I didn’t like her when I first met her back in 5th grade. I thought she was weird and way to tall. But soon I came to realize that her “differences” from everyone else is why I loved her so much. Shay doesn’t view things the way everyone else does. A lot of the times she misses out on things but she never gives up and keeps going. Shay dated J before I did and though we had a huge fight when I started dating him she forgave me and has been the most faithful friend I could have ever asked for. Sticking by me through so much and forgiving me for all my flaws.

I don’t ever have to worry that she’ll stop loving me or wanting to be my friend because she has never given me a reason too. With Shay there is security. Her complete and utter goofy views allow me to be me and to laugh at stupid things, be weird, and feel like I’m still 13! I love the long nights of watching stupid TV shows and never ending conversations wither her. I can talk to her about anything, over and over again and she doesn’t ask me to stop. She just listens and tries her hardest to make me feel better. She gives me something I’ve never had in my life:

Someone who never leaves me.

Our adult friendship has hit roadblocks and tested us in the truest forms but still we are here: best friends. I know she wishes she could change things about me but she lets me be me still. And I do her too. Though we cannot be around each other for too long without a fight there is not any doubt we will always be best of friends.

We are the true definition of: a true best friend accepts you for all that you and all that you are not.

Without her I wouldn’t know how to recognize what a friend is. Without her I’d fall apart. I love her regardless of what life throws at us. I love you Shay!

And Kris. The one who picked me up when I was completely broken. Our friendship has never been the best but I know she is who God sent to me to be my guardian angel. Most people look at her and they see someone who doesn’t fit in with everyone else or comes from a bad background but I don’t. I see love and strength. She pulled me out of my black whole and kept me from losing it all. She talks all the time and I love that! Because so do I. We always have funny conversations and laugh constantly. I’m always smiling when I’m with her. Even when the conversation is on an unhappy topic, she makes me smile through it. Her advice on life and love is pretty great. She teaches me the little stuff I missed out on with having a sister. Like how to do Smokey eyes, ways to make myself better, and what makes me so great already. Kris is the bigger sister I never had and always wanted. She isn’t the one you would think could help because she doesn’t come from the best life before now, but she is everything I needed her to be and I’ll always consider her one of my best friends. I love you Kris! Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.

And lastly, my kids. They are what keeps me going every single day. Some days I just want to give up and stop. Just let it all go and forget the pain and hurt, but I don’t because without me they don’t have anyone to show them the kind of love I give them. Their daddy loves them no doubt, but not the way I do. I can’t EVER how much I love my kids. I know many mothers my age and none of them share (except T really) that unbelievable love for their kids. I don’t every buy anything for myself except maybe a book or pack of smokes because I don’t want them to go without or I know they need more than I do. I don’t like to go out a lot because I feel like my time should be spent with them. They drive me crazy! But I love it! When I think about failing life; I stop because that means I’m failing them simply because they are MY LIFE.

They are my inspiration, motivation, grounded reasons, good choices, best love, reason for being, reason for breathing, reason for waking up, reason for not doing drugs, reason for dealing with pain and bullshit, reason for fearing, reason for loving, reason I function, reason to do what’s right, and they are:

What keeps me tethered in life above all else. They are what matters most in my life. What matters more than my life! I love you Zac, Haylie, Alyssa, &  Jaylynn.

{Single Mom Talk}

{ #Reverb13, Day 14: Feast}

 

As I’ve stated before I’m taking part for the very first time in Project Reverb. Reverb is a way to reflect on the past year and project into the next year with a prompt a day for 31 days.  December is the perfect time to reflect on 2013 and start to create intentions for 2014.

Feast: What was the best meal you had in 2013?  Was it slurped standing over the kitchen counter?  Was the menu written in a language you understood?  Were you alone?  Or at a table filled with family and friends?

Best meal of 2013 for me was Thanksgiving dinner. Normally it would have been with my kids and J’s family in previous years as I always looked forward to those holiday dinners at this families. However, this year was J’s year to have the kids on Thanksgiving and though I could have spent it alone eating a small dinner with just me and Kris and Brian; I didn’t have too. Shay and Josh invited us three to their house for dinner. And though I was surrounded by someone else’s family I felt perfectly at peace. we sat with everyone laughing and talking about how good the cheesecake made by Josh was!

Oh goodness! That homemade cheesecake was AMAZING!!! The man can cook like a pro! Perfectly thick and not dry with greatly put together crust. It was like cheesecake haven in your mouth. Even Kris who doesn’t like cheesecake fought me and his son over the last slice of it! 🙂 The dinner was huge and everything made from scratch and so well put together. Shay worried about her (what she calls but really isn’t) small apartment being too crowded, but you know thats part of what made it so great. Everyone piled in and close together sharing this great meal and making a memory!

I felt truly blessed and loved.

And full!

Best meal of the year hands down!
Thank you Shay and Josh! I hope you know that I was very thankful and stuffed when I left!

 

{Single Mom Talk}

 

{ #Reverb13, Day 13: Favorite Things}

 

As I’ve stated before I’m taking part for the very first time in Project Reverb. Reverb is a way to reflect on the past year and project into the next year with a prompt a day for 31 days.  December is the perfect time to reflect on 2013 and start to create intentions for 2014.

Favorite things:  Give us a list of your favorite things from 2013.  Could be material items, food, people, anything!

The List:

1)  Tina

2)  Shannon

3)  Music

4)Reading/books

5)  Girls night out/ Applebee’s dinners’

6)My black fuzzy boots

7)Writing/blogging

8)  Dancing and singing in the house with the kids

9)  My short black dress, leggings, and black boots

10)                  becoming better friends with {A}

11)                  My short haircut

12)                 Weekends with Alley

13)                 Christmas morning with the kids

14)                 Watching Pookie dance

15)                 The good times I had with Kat

16)                 Mt. Dew

17)                 Sweet tea

18)                  Pizza

19)                  Taco Bell

20)                 Pasta

21)                 And at the end of the year (bc I’m finishing this late I can say this) My time with Scotty

 

{Single Mom Talk}

 

{ #Reverb13, Day 12: Free writing}

 

As I’ve stated before I’m taking part for the very first time in Project Reverb. Reverb is a way to reflect on the past year and project into the next year with a prompt a day for 31 days.  December is the perfect time to reflect on 2013 and start to create intentions for 2014.

Free writing: Write for five consecutive minutes on the word “jump” as it pertains to this past year.  No editing.  Set a timer.  Just write.

“Jump” I don’t know who chose this to be the word we right for but its pretty random I think, however its on this list so I’m gonna write.

I think my life did a lot of jumping in 2013 actually. I mean it was always up and down and everywhere! I’d be in one stop and then my life would jump to something else. I am pretty used to a crazy life but I’ve never experi3enced anything like I did in 2013. Happy, sad, mad, overwhelmed, content, strong, weak, and so much more emotion throughout the year.

“Jump” my heart when I spoke to Eddie on the phone. He was screaming at me and telling me to leave him alone bc I hurt him and he wanted me out of his life but still it jumped over and over at the sound of his voice! Just like it jumped every time I heard a few songs on the radio that brought tears to my eyes feeling the emotional connection between the song and the words

“Jump” the exact thing that wanted to through me off a bridge when i thought I was about to lose my kids. I never knew this feeling before, the feeling of your whole life jumping from your grip. It did that night. and my thought was: I’d jump off a bridge and fall forever if they take them from me.

It is my biggest fears: Losing my kids and falling to my death; however losing my kids would make me fall to that death.

My heart Jumped and my life about left me when they threatened to take them.

Jump:

fast, hard, fear, love, life, chaos, sadness, dreams, hopes, running and never stopping, feeling overwhelmed, complete loss of control.

random thoughts that come to mind when I hear that word and feel what it makes me feel.

Jump was a not a good word for me in 2013.

Times up!

 

{Single Mom Talk}

{ #Reverb13, Day 11: Fail}

 

As I’ve stated before I’m taking part for the very first time in Project Reverb. Reverb is a way to reflect on the past year and project into the next year with a prompt a day for 31 days.  December is the perfect time to reflect on 2013 and start to create intentions for 2014.

FAIL: What just didn’t work out this year?  Is that okay with you?  Or are you going to try, try again?

Well, let’s see what just didn’t work out this year? A few things really. My  business for one and NO I’m not OK with that. My photography business is what I mean. I wanted it to do as great or better than what is was when I lived in NC but in fact I only did like 5 shoots all year and I HATE THAT! Photography is more than just “taking pictures” for me. It’s a passion, a love, an escape, and a worry free stress reliever. I love everything about it and I  miss it like crazy. I never expected it to go off quickly because there are so many now days and I’m still learning how to market the clients I want. I still have a lot to learn but I sure expected it to do better than what it has coming to AL. I will not give up on it so easily however. In 2014 I plan to do opposite what I did in 2013; nothing. I’m going to start fresh and really give it my all!

And secondly what just didn’t work out was getting Eddie back. I really thought I’d be able to accomplish this. Thought I really wanted it. And it took me all year and a thousand conversations with my closest friends to get over him and realize that maybe this isn’t what I really wanted. So am I OK with it? That I didn’t get him back?

Yes.

I never thought I’d say that. He was and will always be the love of my life; from where I’m standing now. That could change and I could meet someone who will make me almost forget what I felt with Eddie; well no they can’t but they could love me better make me love them better. But I’ll never forget what it feels like to love Eddie and be loved by him because it was the most incredible feeling of my life. A year ago I would have said I’ll never give up trying to get him back, but now I can say:

I have put Eddie and I in the past and I will not be chasing after him or what was. I do not know if he will ever be in my life again but I will not force it anymore. Eddie is my past and that is where he will stay unless God see’s otherwise.

And I’m perfectly Ok with that.

And the rest of what didn’t work out this year isn’t anything really major, only small stuff that doesn’t really count. I feel good things coming in 2014 and I’m anxious for them.

 

{Single Mom Talk}

{What Am I Supposed to do?}

 

So I’ve got to take a break from #reverb13 for a moment to just kinda write about life right now. So I ended up not being able to finish reverb on time BUT the creators of it suggested to finish it if we didn’t get a chance so that’s what I’ll be doing. But anyways!

So life has begun in 2014 as its now January 6, 2014 and though it doesn’t feel any different I know this year will be. I finished off 2013 with a pretty good leap and that makes me happy. The kids had a great Christmas between here and at their dads so that was a true blessing! And I was able to not feel like life was falling apart and look forward to what’s ahead. Most interesting is I met someone.

That’s right. Single Mom met a man! 🙂

He is a childhood friend of A–yes J’s A! Crazy right?? Luckily they never dated but she was trying to play hookup and I thought it was crazy but going along because I just KNEW nothing would ever come of anything she introduced me too. However, I’ve talked to Scotty every day since I met him and spent Christmas evening with him and the weekend after. And though he isn’t crazy romantic like I’m used too something about him draws me in. I mean it could be the sex; it’s a great possibility as its pretty amazing. However, I know me and there has to be more than that to keep me coming back.

He makes me laugh all the time and I love watching him talk. His voice is so sexy and those big full lips! OH MERCY! 🙂 drive a mama crazy let me tell you~!

I know you all think of it. When a man is talking you look at his lips (married or single or in the middle) you think about how good of a kisser he might be! You let your mind wonder with every word he speaks you think about it! Well, I do that with Scotty. Though I already know that he’s pretty great.

Well! OK sorry, mama got a lil side tracked there! So as I was saying something draws me too him. I like that he texts me or calls me every day and that I don’t have to worry about wondering if he’s gonna call and when he does (time allowed) we talk for hours. He’s a truck driver and has lots of time but he could be talking to anyone but he chooses me! Then he tells me the other night that his bed is lonely without me in it and he’s tired of snuggling up to his pillows 😉 which is just too cute! Actually the sweetest thing he’s said to me, because he one of those “man guys” you know where they don’t get all mushy or sappy at any point what so ever! So this is progress for sure 🙂

So it’s going pretty great. Been about a month n half of talking and seeing him and I feel great. But part of me still holds back and I worry. I worry if I’ll be enough or if I’ll mess this one up like I did with Eddie and throw it away? I don’t know how to not worry. Once you’ve been through multiple bad relationships you can’t help but worry that this one will fail too! I’m so scared that he might hurt me too..but I don’t want to worry about that. I want to give him the chance he deserve but how do I beat this worry? How do I not damage myself? How do I keep from repeating history in both ways?

I’m not saying he’s the one because I couldn’t say right now, but I can say that I’d like to get serious with him and see if this could be IT.

But I don’t want to mess this up. So many ways I could mess it up and I just don’t’ want to.
I really want this to work, need this work, desire for it work.

What if I was always the mess up instead of them-the men?

What if it was always me?

What am I supposed to do?

How do I stop feeling this way?

 (Originally wrote on 1/6/14)

{Single Mom Talk}

{ #Reverb13, Day 10: Inspiration }

As I’ve stated before I’m taking part for the very first time in Project Reverb. Reverb is a way to reflect on the past year and project into the next year with a prompt a day for 31 days.  December is the perfect time to reflect on 2013 and start to create intentions for 2014.

Inspiration: What inspired you this year?  How do you think this inspiration will impact the year to come?

On every occasion when someone ask me this question I say; my kids. And while that will always be true because everything I do is for them and they make me want to do the greatest that I can, for this I’m going to try and dig a little more and see what more I can add to this.

This year has been crazy for me and unfortunately more bad than good it seems but still I know there is good and I’ve pulled from that. I have to say that my inspirations have came from different things this year. From my friends, some family, my kids, strength of others, and from hope. I have seen many things happen this year and from those things I have found inspiration for life and for love.

My best friend T husband was in an (almost) deadly car-wreck. He was almost killed and I’ve never been so terrified for someone else. T and Ev have a daughter who is just 3 and another baby on the way and they are more like family than friends to me and the kids. When he got in that wreck and lost his memory, had bleeding of the brain, and couldn’t even breath without pain for weeks I have never been so scared. With everything that happen T never gave up. She got up and took care of their daughter, cleaned house, made necessary phone calls to get their claims done, got dinner, took amazing care of Ev and still looked after self too. She was amazing. Don’t forget she was VERY pregnant while doing all this and never did I hear her complain or say “oh I just can’t do this ” or I just need a break” she just kept going on; never giving up. And then just when things start to look up for them, she and their daughter SoSo was in a pretty bad wreck too. But again did she give up? No! She is still doing all that she has to do and is back to being her. Taking care of what she has too, never letting it getting her down. Her strength has been my inspiration. And her husband too, he is a goofy guy but he is pretty great  himself and though he drives her crazy the way he treats her gives me HOPE that there is a man out there that can love me just the way I need him too. What they have together is amazing. It’s not perfect I’m sure, but it’s an inspiration to those who don’t have real love in their life; those like me. I know that if I can carry that kind of strength and have it supporting through to 2014 and thrive off that kind of love to find me, then I know I’ll have a great shot at a good life in this next year.

Kindness from others has also been an inspiration to me. Like from Shay who helps me any time she can, even in small ways. And from Kris who has helped pull me from my dark hole I thought I couldn’t escape. Giving to others who don’t ask for anything other than true friendship in return is an inspiration. Makes me wan to be worthy of them, worthy of others and makes me want to be just as they are. I hope that I can help someone like they have me. I hope that I can have that kind of kindness to get me through 2014. They are my inspiration.

 As I see a slow change in J its refreshing. Seeing him want to help me more and offer without me having to beg him is great. I didn’t think this change would come any time soon but it is here and I can see it in him and though others have counted him out, I have not. The faith I have in him and the ability for him to change has given me inspiration as well. I know this sounds silly to some but sometimes its the small things that inspire us; or at least it does me. I feel hopeful for what it will be like in 2014 for everyone in my life.

My kids will always inspire me to do better and want more in life. They are my greatest inspiration.

{Single Mom Talk}

{ #Reverb13, Day 9: Surprise }

As I’ve stated before I’m taking part for the very first time in Project Reverb. Reverb is a way to reflect on the past year and project into the next year with a prompt a day for 31 days.  December is the perfect time to reflect on 2013 and start to create intentions for 2014.

Surprise: What surprised you the most this year?

People.

People to the max. In so many ways; people. Just every aspect of the way that they can surprise you blew me away. Their actions you know, when someone does something you don’t expect (good or bad) and your totally blown away and left speechless. To explain let me elaborate a bit.

A few years ago I bet a young lady who had just married my cousin (who is just a bit younger than me) and NO ONE LIKED HER! I mean everyone I talked to said that she was a thief, hateful, back stabbing, a bitch, and just all over shitty person. However, when I met her she was just the opposite, yes she had a smartass mouth but then again so do I. And for some reason I was instantly drawn to her and felt almost protective over her. Kat is just a kid really, even today she is still like a kid; a little sister to me. She isn’t even 21 yet, has 2 kids, watched a man get murdered, had Meth giving to her, and got hooked on dope all before she was even 20 years old. The girl just didn’t stand against it all like I had. Some people are stronger than others and bless her heart she wasn’t one of those. She is beautiful and kind, smart and funny, has such amazing talent in dancing, and can light up a room when she walks into it.

I have helped her time and time again because I never wanted to see her end up in prison or dead. I love her like a sister. And when she was at her very worst I came and rescued her and her husband (my cousin) and gave them every opportunity to do what they needed to do. He left of course just a week or so after, but she was sticking it out and I thought for her this was it. She was going to do it and make it! I encouraged her every day, told her how proud I was of her, took up for her, showed her the good in life off drugs, and did all I could do to make  her happy.

But in the end she became all that they said she was in the beginning.

I needed her and she left me. I needed her the very most and she left me. I cried my eyes out and she didn’t even think twice about leaving me, knowing that if she left she would be leaving me to lose it all and destroy our friendship.

I was and am sad to say that when she left I was surprised. I never thought she would leave. I never thought she was who they said she was and I hate for me and for her. Because the kind of friendship we had was unlike any other I had with anyone else. But it wasn’t real I guess and I was let down and dragged down and I’ll never let that happen again. I miss her every day and one day I will forgive her but I will not forget how I did EVERYTHING for her and she did NOTHING but hurt me! I wish her the best.

Next, my mother. I don’t even feel like talking to much about this but she surprised me too. She was supposed to be helping me and supposed to be doing good for me and left me in a huge hole where I almost lost it all. I’m not angry with her but I’m very very very upset and though I’ve not sorted out those feelings yet I know I need too. But she surprised me because there are things you just don’t’ do to your kids and she did a few of them. But i still love her.

T & Shay. They have been there for me through it all. Shay and I seem to fight more these days then we have our whole 15 year frienship because we simply view things differently now HOWEVER she is always there for me just about 100%. She and I have the friendship that cannot be broken because its already been through it all. She’s my relaxation; the one who reminds me to breath and that somehow it will all work out and my way to know I’m not alone.  T has been like a breath of fresh air! When I need to laugh or get over a bad day she is the one I think of, when I just need to see someone to take away all the bs, she is the one I go see. Something about her make every part of me happy. I wondered at first why I met her but I know now why.

My friendships are amazing; the people I share the friendships with surprise me every day because they never give up on me; EVER!

And lastly, Kris. Who used to be more my mom’s friend than mine, who used to do drugs with my mom, who hadn’t spoken to me in weeks when I called her to say ” I’m lost and I don’t’ know what to do” helped me and was my savior here on earth! I don’t’ think badly of her even before now but when I made  that phone call I was only venting not asking for what she has given me. She has been what everyone else cannot. And I’m so thankful for her and so proud to call her one of my best friends because with her I can be just me and never feel like I ever have to give anything back, never have to worry what she will think or if she will be mad I said something, there are no worries with her, no expectations….just friendship. She is everything I needed right now and I’ll forever call her my best friend.

She was there when no one else could or would be; her kind heart surprised me because it’s simply few and far in-between.

So see the way people surprise you is amazing. I never would have thought I’d have some of the friends I do today or that people would turn out the way they have, it doesn’t mean  I love them less or more it just means I learned something new.

People are amazing in both good and bad ways. I’m happy with what I learned about the people in my life. Are you?

 

{Single Mom Talk}

{ #Reverb13, Day 8: Adventure }

As I’ve stated before I’m taking part for the very first time in Project Reverb. Reverb is a way to reflect on the past year and project into the next year with a prompt a day for 31 days.  December is the perfect time to reflect on 2013 and start to create intentions for 2014.

Adventure: Did you go on an adventure in 2013?  What sort? 

Well, I wouldn’t say that I went on an adventure. I mean those are supposed to be exciting and fun and all right? Well, I didn’t really do any of that really. Now, it seems as life is always an adventure for me anyways.

I think the only thing that I would say could count as adventure is “chaos”. As in I went on a chaos adventure; my life in itself. Not that it was bad but the whole year was just chaos all together. Having mom in jail for the first half and last half too, all that we did in between, dealing with overwhelming bills, getting over losing the man who holds my heart, just everything.

At one point (not too long ago) I almost lost EVERYTHING and I never thought I’d be in that situation, ever! So I learned that ANYTHING can happen to you, no matter who you are and that we should be thankful and grateful for what we do have every day even if it’s not perfect and hold on to it tight and trust no one with it.

I’ve not had really any adventure except life itself.

Because that what people say:

life’s a journey

life’s a very long adventure?

{Single Mom Talk}