As I’ve stated before I’m taking part for the very first time in Project Reverb. Reverb is a way to reflect on the past year and project into the next year with a prompt a day for 31 days. December is the perfect time to reflect on 2013 and start to create intentions for 2014.
Anchor: What kept you tethered to 2013?
My friends hands down. Without them in 2013 my life would have fallen apart in so many ways. I was able to count on old friends and gained great new friends. I don’t even know how to quickly explain this answer so it’s going to be a long one I’m sure.
In so many ways people leave you throughout life. By choice, by life’s path, and worst by death. But in so many ways people stand by you and come to you when you need them most. I never realized how true this was until this year.
I remember I was so worried over the summer that J was going to attempt to take the kids from me. I could just feel it you know. I mean I wasn’t doing anything wrong when it came to them but because I was living out of state (TN) and not up J’s ass and kissing it too he wanted to do something to hurt me. And then when I asked God to tell me what I needed to do and how to deal with it all he sent me T.
She came from out of nowhere and I never expected, even when I did talk to her, that she would be so important to me like she is. She had been dating J and was being swooned by all his romance, however she wasn’t fooled by his “pretty blue eyes and perfect words”. She saw it happening and even as an outsider she could see I wasn’t doing anything wrong so she took action. She messaged me on FB and told me her story with J and what she had heard him say and told me that she didn’t agree with it and that I should know to have time to prepare myself. Within just a few hours we were on the phone talking and it shocked the hell out of me how much I liked her. The honesty in her, the tender heart, badass attitude, and love of kids was what first told me I knew she and I were going to be great friends. I remember thinking that everything she was saying was confirming what I was afraid of him doing and that I knew this was my answer of what I needed to do. She told me how he talked of waiting til the time was right and just snatch them up and take them, how he wasn’t going to help me bc of what I had done, complained about not talking to the kids but never helping me keep my phone on, always putting me down for things that he could have helped with and eventually telling her his whole plan to basically leave me alone without anyone.
She stood up for me, even when she didn’t know me, because she is that kind of person; the kind that cares about others because she has a good heart. Talking to her for weeks lead us to meet up for drinks and instantly formed a friendship I know will last forever. She made me laugh and feel better about everything I was worried about. The view on people and the way she kept me from hitting a girl in the face at the bar that night was great! Over our time so far of being friends I have really tried to see how J ever got his hands on her. She is far to great for him. Too real. Too honest. Too kind. But then again I know why she was attracted to him because something else about her and I. We see the same in men especially those like J.
All my life I’ve been the friend to keep others tethered; grounded. And I used to wish for a friend that could do the same for me because even those who are strong need someone to lean on in times of weakness. T is that friend for me. I’ve waited my whole life for her. Her ability to make me feel better just by seeing her smile, her words of wisdom and certainty, her “F” off attitude, and crazy view on life couldn’t be more tailored to me as a friend. She is the one who makes me feel like it will all be OK when my life is falling apart. I cannot think of anything about her I don’t like. Everyone has that one true best friend and for me she is IT. I love you T!
There isn’t any way to really to know someone is your true friend unless they stick by you. There when you need them and know that your important to them. The ONE friend that gets you and can and does always find a way to stick by your crazy life and always say I love you after a huge fight.
Shay is THAT friend for me. Our friendship has never been an easy one. We are so very different and see things in a opposite view, however THAT is the reason we stick by each other. No one gets her like I do and pretty sure the same for the other way around. I didn’t like her when I first met her back in 5th grade. I thought she was weird and way to tall. But soon I came to realize that her “differences” from everyone else is why I loved her so much. Shay doesn’t view things the way everyone else does. A lot of the times she misses out on things but she never gives up and keeps going. Shay dated J before I did and though we had a huge fight when I started dating him she forgave me and has been the most faithful friend I could have ever asked for. Sticking by me through so much and forgiving me for all my flaws.
I don’t ever have to worry that she’ll stop loving me or wanting to be my friend because she has never given me a reason too. With Shay there is security. Her complete and utter goofy views allow me to be me and to laugh at stupid things, be weird, and feel like I’m still 13! I love the long nights of watching stupid TV shows and never ending conversations wither her. I can talk to her about anything, over and over again and she doesn’t ask me to stop. She just listens and tries her hardest to make me feel better. She gives me something I’ve never had in my life:
Someone who never leaves me.
Our adult friendship has hit roadblocks and tested us in the truest forms but still we are here: best friends. I know she wishes she could change things about me but she lets me be me still. And I do her too. Though we cannot be around each other for too long without a fight there is not any doubt we will always be best of friends.
We are the true definition of: a true best friend accepts you for all that you and all that you are not.
Without her I wouldn’t know how to recognize what a friend is. Without her I’d fall apart. I love her regardless of what life throws at us. I love you Shay!
And Kris. The one who picked me up when I was completely broken. Our friendship has never been the best but I know she is who God sent to me to be my guardian angel. Most people look at her and they see someone who doesn’t fit in with everyone else or comes from a bad background but I don’t. I see love and strength. She pulled me out of my black whole and kept me from losing it all. She talks all the time and I love that! Because so do I. We always have funny conversations and laugh constantly. I’m always smiling when I’m with her. Even when the conversation is on an unhappy topic, she makes me smile through it. Her advice on life and love is pretty great. She teaches me the little stuff I missed out on with having a sister. Like how to do Smokey eyes, ways to make myself better, and what makes me so great already. Kris is the bigger sister I never had and always wanted. She isn’t the one you would think could help because she doesn’t come from the best life before now, but she is everything I needed her to be and I’ll always consider her one of my best friends. I love you Kris! Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.
And lastly, my kids. They are what keeps me going every single day. Some days I just want to give up and stop. Just let it all go and forget the pain and hurt, but I don’t because without me they don’t have anyone to show them the kind of love I give them. Their daddy loves them no doubt, but not the way I do. I can’t EVER how much I love my kids. I know many mothers my age and none of them share (except T really) that unbelievable love for their kids. I don’t every buy anything for myself except maybe a book or pack of smokes because I don’t want them to go without or I know they need more than I do. I don’t like to go out a lot because I feel like my time should be spent with them. They drive me crazy! But I love it! When I think about failing life; I stop because that means I’m failing them simply because they are MY LIFE.
They are my inspiration, motivation, grounded reasons, good choices, best love, reason for being, reason for breathing, reason for waking up, reason for not doing drugs, reason for dealing with pain and bullshit, reason for fearing, reason for loving, reason I function, reason to do what’s right, and they are:
What keeps me tethered in life above all else. They are what matters most in my life. What matters more than my life! I love you Zac, Haylie, Alyssa, & Jaylynn.
{Single Mom Talk}
